Jeton Neziraj is the former artistic director of the National Theater of Kosovo,
and the founder and current director of Qendra Multimedia. He has written
over twenty-five plays which have been staged, translated to almost 20
languages, and performed throughout Europe and the United States, in over
70 productions. As a playwright, he has worked with and has presented his
work to various theatres in Europe and in the USA, including La MaMa in
New York, Volksbühne Berlin, Piccolo Teatro di Milano, Volkstheater Vienna,
Vidy Theater in Lausanne, National Theatre of Sarajevo, City Garage Theater
in Los Angeles, National Theater of Montenegro, Bitef Theatre in Belgrade,
Turkish National Theater, National Theatre of Kosovo, Qendra Multimedia in
Prishtina, Istanbul City Theatre, etc. His plays have won numerous prizes and
awards and have been performed in theatre festivals throughout Europe. He is
the author of many articles on cultural and political issues, published in local
and international magazines and journals.
Non politically correct perspective on touching
When a boy in Japan touches you, he always has sexual intentions;
When a boy in Macedonia touches you, he is really asking you to look at a new monument that was just built in the center of the city;
When a boy in Germany touches you, he apologizes a thousand times, for Auschwitz too;
When a boy in Syria touches you, he is a ghost;
When a boy in Africa touches you, he is not a boy, but a giraffe;
When Marina Abramovic touches you, you turn into a work of art;
When a boy in Russia touches you, you are already vomiting vodka over his cock.
When a boy in Kosovo touches you, he starts complaining about unemployment
When a boy in Switzerland touches you, he proudly tells you about multilingual Switzerland and the depressed boys and girls that jump off the beautiful bridges, commiting suicide.
And if an ISIS terrorist touches you, you are one of the 72 virgins and you are dead.
If a Swede touches you, he has touched a girl after 19 years, and you feel a coldness as though you touched an ice block.
If the Pope touches you, he has mistaken you with a boy whom he wanted to take to a dark corner;
If a Jew touches you, he aims to benefit from you, but not sexually;
If a film director touches you, he will offer you a role, and you will be happy, and if not earlier, you will sleep with him during the shooting of the movie, somewhere in
the mountains.
If Dracula touches you, then know that your period has come.
And if a long time has passed with nobody touching you, then you are about to enter a long frustrating period
Poetics of farts
The fart is the most abhorred part of the body
poets did not consider it worthy
thus it is not mentioned in almost any poem
nobody sings songs about it, although its sound is quite melodic
like a bass guitar, in the best case scenario
when it comes out of a fat ass
or, like a cat’s meow, when it comes out of a slim ass, almost involuntarily
there is no serious research on the fart
perhaps only some sparse pages in medical studies
and some medical advice in not-so-popular blogs
where it says that farts are healthy
that it expels toxic gasses from our bodies
and there is maybe some boring joke about farts somewhere
which goes like: there was once an Italian who farted
there was an German who farted
and afterwards an Albanian also farted
and the joke may end with the question:
whose fart was the most beautiful?
and punchline may then be:
the Frenchman’s
because that’s how they think of the French, gentle and amicable
because the fart of a German, they think, smells of potatoes
an Albanian’s fart smells of gunpowder
and an Italian’s fart smells of pizza and pasta
and thus, nothing worthwhile for the fart
only jokes, only prejudice
as though it weren’t part of us, but something that
hails from a different planet
it makes its way inside of us and then leaves, poisoned
annoyed that we didn’t keep it in
well, no, dear people, the fart can be very poetic
it can be a bridge between people
between cultures, between civilizations
between religions and everything that is to do with humans and the world
what do Muslims and Christians have in common
except for farts, that always have the same aroma
from whichever ass they are passed, in Paris or Aleppo
let us then sing about the fart, oh people
the same way we sing of black eyes
cute mouths and soft cheeks
thick lips or slim waists
let us even start a fart festival
where they would serve beans and other foods that provoke farting
and where the loudest, most beautiful and longest fart
would be crowned ‘Miss Fart’
A happy world is one where you can fart freely.
